The Female Orgasm & Remy Kassimir

How Cum’s super-sharp host gets intimate with gal pal

Almost 2 years ago, 28-year-old Remy Kassimir had never had an orgasm. Thanks to Sex And The City’s pretty unrealistic sex scenes, the stand-up comic thought she might never climax because “three pumps of a penis” didn’t have her screaming like Samantha Jones. Luckily, her mindset switched when she realised the only person who could figure out what she liked in the bedroom was herself – which is where her pleasure party began.

Thankfully for us, Remy documented her female orgasm journey through her very own podcast, How Cum. The straight-talking, sometimes-emotional and frankly fucking hilarious show explores some of the more intimate conversations surrounding sex. She welcomes experts, writers, activists, adult film stars, drag performers, and more, to reveal their first ever orgasms ~and~ set her steamy assignments to help her reach her goal.

Here, we chat to the trailblazing host of How Cum about appreciating your vagina, shocking sex stats and why it’s never okay to fake an orgasm.

Best piece of sex advice you’ve ever been given?

To figure MYSELF out and get to know my body. For some reason I always thought guys were the ones who were good at sex and knew what to do and that I should just let them try a bunch of stuff and maybe I’ll like it eventually. NO! The only person who can tell what my body wants is me and so by learning how to masturbate myself and knowing how to make things work for me, I know how to voice them to my boyfriend so that he can actually learn what I like vs what he thinks I may like.

Biggest lesson you’ve learnt since starting How Cum?

Communication is key. Whether it is in the bedroom telling someone to move a little to the left or asking your friends if they masturbate too; you have to talk to other people. I used to get really caught up in my head wondering if things were normal or weird and being disappointed sexually because I couldn’t speak up. No one is a mind reader and everyone needs advice.

Most eye-opening guest and why?

One of our more recent guest Buck Angel is a trans activist, film maker, and adult film star. He has dubbed himself “a man with a pussy,” and that’s what he is. He taught me so much about Trans male identity and how you can be a man, but also appreciate your vagina and not want bottom surgery. Buck started his life like so many of us hating his vagina, and now embraces it more than anyone. It was super eye opening because most of us are raised thinking vaginas are gross or dirty and we live in a culture with so much penis envy. Completely changed my mind.

Biggest sex misconception out there in popular culture?

The female orgasm happens from 3 pumps of a penis. YA RIGHT. I used to think I couldn’t cum because I wasn’t screaming in three seconds from insertion like Samantha Jones. Most orgasms do not occur internally but require external clitoral stimulation. And it takes a little more time.

Most shocking sex statistic you’ve learnt?

Only 8-15% of women can cum from ONLY internal stimulation.

Tell us about your first orgasm and how it happened

February 22, 2018. I had heard about the Womanizer from a friend who said it was orgasm guaranteed. I’d figured out from my previous podcast episodes that I would probably be a squirter. So I set the stage, I put down a towel, and I turned on Rihanna VERY loud in case my grandma (who I live with) was in the house. She was, and she called my name, and I told her to go in her room. Then I went back into mine, put the toy on, and within 30 seconds I squirted! But I wasn’t fully sure that I came and so I took it to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror like, “dont give up!” turned the toy setting up and came like 4 times while wiggling around on the bathroom floor. Then I cried. I was half excited and half worried that I would have to end the podcast.

What erogenous zones get you going?

I love side of boob stroking and back tickles!

What’s your stance on ‘faking it’?

Don’t do it. It’s not helping anyone! It makes them think they’re great when they’re not being great. You’re not benefitting, they’re not benefitting, and neither is the next person they’re hooking up with. It’s a never ending chain!

What would you say to someone who has never orgasmed?

Don’t worry, just because you haven’t, doesn’t mean you can’t! Listen to my podcast and try the assignments that helped me.

What do you want to say to all the sexual partners out there?

Ask questions of your partners, ask them what they like! Listen to the pod together to get some ideas. And tell people you WANT to get them off and that it excites you. A lot of women think their partners don’t care and it is very nice to hear when they do.

Listen to Remy’s super-addictive podcast, How Cum, right here. You won’t regret it, promise.

Written by Claire Blackmore, @cla_ireb

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